![]() ![]() Often, people will point out someone else who went through it - as in, “My neighbor lost their hair, and hated it when it first returned, but now it’s very cute.” You may think it’s a helpful story, but it takes the focus off your colleague’s angst. Suppose a coworker who has lost their hair after chemo is a little down about the stubble that is growing out. “The same thing happened to my neighbor, and it worked out fine.” Instead of the blanket reassurance, try: “Whatever happens, I am here for you” - but only if you will be. Of course they’ve had the thought: “What if it doesn’t turn out all right?” So your saying it will turn out fine negates their anxiety about the outcome. But to the cancer patient, it can sound dismissive of all the things they’re worried about. But your newly diagnosed colleague is likely to hear the part about being in the hospital for months. They may also feel like you are more interested in talking about your brother than in focusing on them and their cancer. You may think you are showing that you can relate to your coworker. The patient may be thinking, rightfully, “How on earth can you know what I am going through?” “My brother had this kind of cancer and he was in the hospital for months.” Here, what the experts suggest not saying to a colleague with cancer: “I know how you feel.”Įven if you were diagnosed with the same kind of cancer, you can’t know how the coworker feels. The list of questions and comments that many people think are helpful - but actually aren’t - is surprising to some. Just as importantly, they can take a break from thinking about their cancer. Your coworker will feel like they are still an important member of the team. That way, cancer talk doesn’t dominate every conversation. Remembering to talk about “normal” work activities is important. The same straightforward comments - that you are thinking about them and available to help with the workload - are generally a good approach. It allows a coworker to answer you when their workload or mood permits. It doesn’t beg for an immediate response the way a call or text seems to do. Email is not as intrusive as a telephone call or voicemail. That’s especially true if the person is taking time off work to undergo treatment. Some people view emails and texts as cold, but reaching out this way may offer some benefits as you continue to communicate with a coworker who has cancer. “How are you feeling today?”Īsking that way - instead of something like “Is chemo making you nauseous?” allows the colleague to open up and tell you about their challenges or simply give a brief answer and move on if they don’t feeling like sharing. Just saying that lets the coworker know you care. In a survey of more than 600 survivors, this comment was valued greatly by working cancer patients. ![]() Only say this, of course, if you are willing to pitch in or if you are the person’s boss and can assure them not to worry. Always let the coworker with cancer guide the discussion and decide how much they want to talk about their cancer. This may be enough of an exchange for now, especially if the diagnosis is new. This acknowledges your awkwardness and lets your coworker know that if they feel like talking, you’re a willing audience. “I don’t know what to say or how to say it, but I do want you to know I am here for you.” These phrases are simple, heartfelt and to the point. ![]() “I am sorry this is happening to you.” Or “It’s unfair this is happening to you.” Here, suggestions on how to put your concern into words. Whatever the strength of the bond, it’s natural to feel awkward, sad, fearful, angry and disbelief. If they seem reluctant to talk, respect that desire. Tune in, and focus on their reactions when you are talking. While there are general tips about what to say and not say, it’s also important to take cues from your colleague. Remember, too, that everyone is different - each person handles the diagnosis and treatment differently. What you say to a colleague you’ve spent coffee breaks and lunches with for years is bound to be different than what you say to a coworker with whom you wait for the elevator and exchange pleasantries. ![]() Deciding What to Sayįirst, assess how close you are to the coworker. If it’s the first time you’ve had a coworker diagnosed with cancer, it’s probably more difficult. Even worse, what you may think of as a natural and helpful question or comment may not be helpful at all - and may actually be hurtful. What will you say? What should you say? Your thoughts race as you rehearse something heartfelt. When a coworker is diagnosed with cancer, most people simply don’t know what to say. Speechless is the usual reaction. ![]()
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